Top statements from manager

Here are top statements from manger.

1. Out of box ( Your idea is crappy, try again)
2. Leverage (Subtle way of asking to take advantage of something. God knows what)
3. WFH (Just being online sleeping at home doing nothing but not taking leave from work too, in short WFH)
4. Revert back (It means bull crap in proper English. But I want a response to my query)
5. ASAP (My managers are pissed off, do your work quickly or get fired)
6. Please do the needful (I have no idea what/how/when to do, but you do it anyway on ASAP bases)
7. Touch base (Warning: This is not an invitation to touch your boss’s base)
8. Proactive (DO extra work you’re not paid for)
9. I’m low on resources (Humanity is dead. We’re just resources. Sigh!)
10. Bring to the table (Ohhh puleesse !!! don’t sit idle & sleep during my boring meeting. You can join me with your OOB ideas too)
11. Keep me in the loop (Include me in every unnecessary email chain ever.)
12. Network with people (You should waste your more time on doing unproductive work, that’s what you meant?)
13. Core competencies (I just want to prove that you’re good at nothing. Hence, this spine breaking jargon that means nothing.)
14. Give 110% (Subtle way of asking you to slog)
15. Win-win (It’s a trap. Run)
16. Ramp up (Develop extra skill that’s not your interest at all)
17. What’s the ballpark number (I know you’ve no idea about the estimation, just throw a random number on me)
18. Let’s take this offline (You’re never going to talk about this again)
19. I don’t have the bandwidth (Not really, it means your manager can’t work. Why? Coz. Managers are not supposed to work)
20. SWOT analysis (I’ve no idea what’s happening, so let me do my numbo-jumbo)
21. Better visibility (It means you should show up in the office more often. Not sleep during the meetings and get your work done)
22. My 2 cents (here is my advice that’s not even worth 2 cents. Take it anyways because I’m your boss.)
23. Open door policy (Just because the door to my cabin is open, doesn’t mean I want to listen to your BS. But I want to get promoted to Sr. Manager, so I’ll rub this jargon in your face anyway.)
24. Value-add (You’re not adding any value to the company. Time to look for a new job.)
25. OOO (Dear manger, I will pray to god that you may forever be out of office)